


Song Without Words

by Cicadaemon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, One Night Stands, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:31:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7473321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cicadaemon/pseuds/Cicadaemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With most of his life dedicated to the piano, Asahi finds himself in early twenties losing the passion he once had, not to mention the recent passing of his father whom he once looked up to disheartening. Then by chance (or maybe destiny) he meets a cellist in the streets of Tokyo whose passion and love for his instrument awakens something in him once more. </p><p>More coincidences happen and soon he finds himself being led on an adventure by the vibrant young cellist as Asahi tries to reconnect with his passion and the young man strives towards his dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Cellist

His fingers tapped softly upon the ivory keys, the notes echoing out from the piano emitted a soft and sad tone. Constantly the shaking fingers want to bang down on the hard ivory. He wanted to make the piano scream and writhe under his touch; to obey what he wanted. Instead, he let his fingers just gently caress them as if they were a delicate, living thing. Words echoed away in his head from his very first teacher. The piano was meant to sing not scream.

Either way, the composition was off, Asahi knew that. It sounded too erratic and arrhythmic to him, something that shouldn't be played. Yet as he would look over to his instructor he got the sense that it was all in his head. The man had a small smile upon his face, looking proud at his student. Asahi didn’t understand how, the piece he had been writing was wrong and off. It sounded horrid.

In one swift movement of impulse, he let his fingers do what they wanted and crash down on the off white key and pushed away from the piano. Grabbing his stuff before the man could say anything, Asahi left with tugging feeling in his stomach and burning eyes.

For years he had been playing piano, he had gone to the best schools to do so. His parents had been so proud, his father even more. Money no objective for them, they had sent him to the best they could buy. Private school after private school, the young man became a legend among his age group. He was good. Asahi wasn’t an idiot, he knew he had been good. Past tense. The music and keys no longer sound right, his mind filled with grey and fading notes. He couldn't quit though, he just couldn't.

Instead, he had lied to his parents and said it would be an honour to accept the offer from another private school. A university. He had been only 19 and the whole world seemed so bleak. His life consisted of piano and making his pianist father proud. A pianist father who was dead 3 months past. Brain cancer had taken him. It had all begun 2 years ago with a bad headache. The bad headache turned into seizures, and seizures turned out to be an inoperable tumour pressing between his skull and brain. It had been a miracle he lived for so long, but by the time he died it was hard to say if Hitoshi Azumane was still himself.

His mother had been struck with grief at his passing and there was no way in hell Asahi could add to it. He had to keep to piano for his mother’s sake. He was a coward.

As Asahi made the 30 minute walk to his apartment, he paid no mind to any of the people in the darkened streets. He would mutter apologize if he bumped into one, but other then that he kept his head down. When he had to apologize for the umpteenth time did he regret not taking the subway home. His apartment was only 4 minutes away from one after all and it meant not having to touch people. 

He was so close to his street when he heard the deep, rich tones of a string instrument. It wasn't unusual to meet street performer in the area, they were close to one of the finest art schools in the region, but the sweet melody was like nothing Asahi had heard before.

Abandoning all plans, he made his way towards the sound; the melody he recognized as Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major. A popular and well known piece, perfect for grabbing an audience and some cash.

He knew he had found his cellist when he saw a medium sized group of people looking with attentiveness. Asahi moved closer until he was practically in the front. A young man with ashen hair sat in front of his audience. As the audience was captivated by the bow of the instrument, Asahi couldn’t help, but focus on his face. It was one he had never seen before, but then again he was never one to socialize. He only knew a handful of faces along with names. The young man had eyes that dripped with gold and pink full lips. As he played he smiled, fine dimples appearing at the corner of his lips. A small beauty below his left eye kissed at his cheekbone. He was beautiful.

Asahi stood there captivated by the young man, wanting to not hear the cello’s, but the player’s own voice. He imagined it would sound just as sweet as the honey colour of his eyes. For a moment, the grey in Asahi was gone and he was left with warm hues and the image of tiny dimples.

Then it was over, with one final, dramatic swing of his bow the cellist was done and the people applauded. They put money into the cello case and the young man took a dramatic bow, eliciting chuckles from the people. He knew how to play a crowd and Asahi just stood there; dumbstruck. His legs refused to move.

For a moment in the briefest of seconds the cellist made eye contact with Asahi. Warm honey met dull brown and his whole body was set aflame. The young man smiled at Asahi, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Fear was struck into him, fear that the young man would actually speak to him, that the magic of the moment would be gone.

Still warm with the life the cellist had breathed into him, Asahi ran off clutching his bag close to his chest and smile beaming on his face.

For the first time in years, he felt alive.

\---

“So you're telling me that you met some pretty cellist in the streets, he smiled at you and you practically pissed yourself.”

The cafeteria was filled with loud and lively chatter, it irritated Asahi to no ends. He always hated grabbing lunch there, but Oikawa had dragged him away from the music room to go and socialize. With the other pianist’s reaction to the story of the cellist, Asahi wonder why in God’s good name he even shared it with Oikawa.

“I didn’t piss myself,” he mumbled, but it was no use. Oikawa’s attention had been grabbed by another, the violinist Asahi knew for a fact Oikawa had been crushing on for ages. Asahi flinched as Oikawa sung out “Iwa-chan!” and was left to his mercy as he tugged along the pianist to the table.

He spent the lunch sitting with the group of students, trying not to flinch if they brushed his shoulder or spoke too loudly. He felt over stimulated and on edge. It took everything in him not cry, but the noise was becoming too much.

With the impending force of a anxiety attack, Asahi tried to leave. His movement led attention from Oikawa to be placed on him again.

“Hey Iwa, have you heard of any cellists with ash hair and a love for Bach?”

That grabbed Asahi’s attention right away as he realized what Oikawa was trying to do. He shifted toward Iwaizumi hoping that he would know the name of the cellist whilst he tried to ignore the how hard his heart was beating. Iwaizumi shrugged.

“Every cellist, pianist and violinist has a love for Bach, that's ingrained in you. The only person I can think who fits that description would maybe be Lev Haiba, but he plays the viola and you know he is still in high school. He’s a guest player though for the concert coming up, pretty cool huh? I'm going to play a duet with him.”

Asahi felt his heart sink. He excused himself quietly and made his way back to the music room. For the rest of the day, Asahi couldn't stop thinking about the cellist who had seemed to have stolen his heart. It wasn't a matter of being in love with this unknown man, but rather loving him. The way he had played the cello and his overall beauty made him somewhat of an enigma in Asahi’s mind.

When after school practice came around, Asahi had apologized softly to his instructor for his sudden leave the day before saying he had remembered he had to leave early that day and that would be the case again today. He left around the same time as before (without a mental shutdown this time around) and made his way not directly to his apartment, but to the same block he had met the cellist. Asahi thanked whatever gods existed that the man was there again, with the telltale crowd surrounding him.

He walked up to the crowd again and was once more able to make his way to the front of the crowd. The song was quick paced and erratic, but it appeared to be intentional. Suddenly it went soft and slow. Asahi looked down to the whiteboard propped up in the cell case to see the piece was called 4 Moods for Solo Cello, Movement 1. For what seemed like hours, Asahi watched with amazement as the cellist turned the saddened tune into something more childlike in spirit. Like before he focused only on the cellist’s face, loving the way his face would scrunch up ever so slightly yet would still smile. His body moved with the melody, putting on a performance and looking like he enjoyed it overall.

When the song was over with another dramatic pull of the bow, the man got up and took a bow. Yet again applause and again the cellist’s honey eyes found Asahi. They went wide with shock for a moment before a large smile appeared on his face, dimples and all. Just like before, Asahi broke away from the crowd and left. He didn’t understand how the cellist could bother captivate and scare him. He blamed the bevy of neurosis and overall paranoia.

Despite the fear he felt, he kept going back to that block to watch the cellist. Every day was something new, but almost always some classical piece. One day though the cellist played a song Asahi knew a little bit too well. Once out of boredom and a suggestion from Oikawa, Asahi had watched the anime Your Lie In April and had afterwards given his friend a slightly scolding for making him watch something that would make him cry. The cellist now played the first opening and Asahi could help, but smile at the ridiculousness of it. The cellist at a crescendo had made eye contact with Asahi and seemed pleased he had made him smile.

After that piece was done, he played Zelda song which almost made Asahi laugh. The cellist bounced around as he played an extended version of Song of Storms. When he was finally done, people applaud the same as usual and the cellist look only to Asahi. For once he had the courage to stay. He clapped along with the people, a smile on his face. The cellist beamed as he took one final bow. Asahi stayed long enough to wave goodbye and he got a wave in return.

Once again as he walked back to his apartment, Asahi felt alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Played:
> 
> Bach - Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major Mov. 1-3/6  
> -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwHpDOWhkGk
> 
> Chao-Jan Chang - 4 Moods for Solo Cello Mov. 1  
> -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNLswbcgbF4
> 
> Goose House - Hikaru Nara  
> -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIpl8p3GCEM
> 
> Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Song of Storms  
> -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcOjpG27LEQ


	2. The First Song

It was just a few days before winter vacation when destiny or pure luck decided to make a play.

The landlady’s granddaughter, a younger lady by the name of Nakagawa had approached him about a new tenant that would be moving in next to him.

“I won’t be around the night he arrives, so I told him just to drop by your apartment for his mailbox key if that’s alright with you Azumane-san.”

It took everything in him not to shudder with the use of the honorific. He knew his overall appearance made him look older than he actually was, but it never pleased him when it was used. Then again he knew she was only using it in terms of respect. Besides that, there was a bitter taste in his mouth from being put on the spot. If he said no then he would look like an ass and make her look to the new tenant as incompetent, so with hidden reluctance he nodded his head and took the key for 6F from her. From that point on and until the day before winter vacation started Nakagawa would smile and remind him of his promise.

He would smile and nod as ever and she would make a remark about his quiet nature before leaving. Every single time he would mentally scold her for not using her brains and giving the tenant the keys before they moved in.

Soon enough winter vacation had come and Asahi felt himself relaxing for the first time in ages. The last remaining days had been hard on him. Constantly he had been badgered by different people about ‘keeping in touch’ or mentioning the dreaded Spring Concert that he had no intention of joining. Playing in a concert didn’t seem right if his father wasn’t there in the crowd.

Plus there had been a new added stress. For the past 2 weeks Asahi had not seen the cellist once. He passed by the block every night still, hoping that maybe he would catch sight of that telltale smile and a crowd. Nothing. It had depressed Asahi more then he would like to admit, but then again it would happen sooner or later. Street performers never stayed in the same spot for long; bad for business. A large part of him wanted to find out where the young man had gone, but the more sane part (quote marks and a question mark around that) of him knew that was a bad idea. Scouring the streets of the city for one lone cellist meant interacting with people and that meant accidentally bumping to people, all of which would cause Asahi too much discomfort and the risk of an anxiety attack.

He found himself attracted to the man in a less traditional sense, but he wasn’t going to step out of his tiny comfort zone for him. No one was worth that much trouble anymore in Asahi’s mind. 

Instead he found himself enjoying the first day of the break in bed. Sure there was slight guilt he wasn’t going home for the holidays, but the second his mother had decided to go visit her parents for the holidays, Asahi knew that there was no way in hell he was going to join her. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his grandparents, he just hated flying. His mother had been upset, but Asahi couldn’t stand the idea of being home without his dad being there as well. He couldn't imagine a Christmas without his ridiculous attempts at decorating the tree or Christmas carols played on the piano. She eventually understood that the trip was too taxing for Asahi to withstand she made him promise he would Skype call with her.

Other then that guilt, Asahi enjoyed sleeping in and enjoying the comforts of being alone.

It wasn't till long after he had gotten out of bed did Asahi hear the first indications of life next door. He was the very last apartment to the right of the building with 6F being the only apartment next to him. He was surprised that it stayed as empty as it did for so long considering it was a one bedroom like his and was actually stupidly cheap considering. The rest of the floors had been filled with older folk along with young college students. The walls were thin enough that Asahi could hear loud music being played or sometimes loud laughter. It wasn’t ideal given his dislike of noise, but more times than not it was quiet and he would play the electric piano his father had given him as a going away gift to his heart’s content.

He was actually slightly saddened that the apartment next to him was now filled. Asahi worried that his playing would disrupt the neighbor to the point of complaining as the piano was pushed right up to the wall he shared with them. To test the waters Asahi sat down at the electric piano, a Roland HP-207 which he was very proud of. Thinking of the cellist, he prepared himself to play Hikaru Nara. For little over a month when the cellist was still there, Asahi would sometimes catch the man playing a small part of the opening before putting his bow away. He found it cute and begun to associate the song with him. Even a few times, instead of playing something classical, the cellist would just play medley’s from different animes which he would have listed on his little whiteboard.

That had given Asahi the idea to start playing covers of more modern songs. He didn’t enjoy playing still, but he did find it more relaxing to play pieces that didn’t have expectations on them. It’s always easier to play Naruto openings rather than Mozart or masterpieces.

With the thought of the cellist and his father in mind, he begun to play Hikaru Nara and let the music sweep over him. Soon enough any worries of disrupting his new neighbor were gone and he let himself get lost in the strong crescendo of the chorus. It was only till the last stretch of the song did Asahi notice that he hadn't heard anything next door since he started playing. With the last note fading away did panic start to set in. No noise did not bode well with him.

His inward panic was interrupted by a knock at the door. Oh no. Asahi knew right away (more his anxiety led to a situation to which he could panic at) that it was the neighbor to tell him not to play so loudly or something along those lines. Asahi practically scrambled up from the bench and swung the door open.

“I’m so sorry-” he begun before the words choking off and dying in his throat.  
Asahi had expected to be greeted by an upset tenant. Instead he stared directly into honey colored eyes. The cellist he had admired and missed was right in front of him, his own mouth dropped into a perfect ‘O’. They just stared at each other in shock till the cellist spoke first.

“You.”

Asahi was again dumbstruck by the cellist like he had been 2 months previous. His voice was a little lower than Asahi had expected, but sweet nevertheless. Instead of responding, he closed in on himself, feeling shy and fearful of the cellist. He blushed hard and tried to smile. The cellist just kept looking at him with amazement.

“Oh wow I can't believe my luck! It’s you! I definitely missed your face. I guess I should have expected to see you around here, I mean I did use to play two blocks from this place right.”

Asahi nodded quickly, his heart racing. Missed him. Oh god it was too much to handle. The cellist just kept smiling.

He struck out his hand, “Koushi Sugawara. Everyone calls me Suga though.”

Asahi looked down at the hand thinking how odd it was to see it without a bow. He wanted to shake his hand, he really did, but touching people wasn’t his thing. It always felt too rough and prickly.

“You need the key right?” he tried to not mumble, failing horribly. He turned around and went to the desk where he had place it. He turned around to see the cellist or rather who he should now call Koushi just standing there looking a little confused.

Asahi walked back to Koushi, feeling a little panicked and held out the key. Koushi took it, making sure not to touch his hand directly. It shocked Asahi that he picked up on that right away, but then again he wasn’t being subtle about it. Koushi smiled and his dimples formed taking Asahi’s breath away for just a moment.

“Thank you….” The pause and an expected look. It suddenly hit him what Koushi wanted.

“Asahi. Asahi Azumane.”

Yet again those honey eyes went wide with shock. Popped open slightly before becoming what Asahi would call a maniac grin.

“You’re fucking with me,” Koushi said as he shifted his weight and cover his mouth with his hand. He looked between shocked and amazed. “As in THE Asahi Azumane. You’re a genius! One of the best in Tokyo. Hell I would say Japan.”

Asahi gave into his nervous tick and rubbed absently at the back of his head. He wanted to clarify he was the best in his age group when he had played, but he had stopped a year ago when his father’s condition had gotten worse. He wanted to say that he wasn’t amazing, his playing skill was just a shadow of what his dad’s had been in his own heyday. Instead he shrugged his shoulders and looked off.

“Well thank you Azumane-san,” Asahi had to once again repress a shudder at the honorific being used. “I hope to see you around. And I'm sorry to interrupt your playing. I do love the anime the song you played comes quite a bit. Have a good day!”

And just like that it was over and Asahi was left pressing his back against the door once he had been back in the safety of his apartment. He couldn’t help, but giggle. His cellist had a name. Koushi Sugawara. Sugawara. He closed his eyes feeling an onset of panic. He felt his breath became shorter and his heart hammering away inside him. For a moment he thought he was going to have another attack which was always something he didn't want to deal with. When the threat had died down and left nothing, but a bitter taste in his mouth did Asahi realize the situation he was in. The cellist was a real person and whatever illusion he had of him before had to die away.

Giddiness became dread at the idea of having to interact with the man anymore then he already had.

Of course it the situation wasn’t as bad as Asahi thought.

Turns out avoiding Sugawara had been easier than Asahi could imagine. The winter break had served as a good excuse to just say in his apartment unless he need to go out and buy more milk. Staying in one’s apartment meant less interaction with people. For a majority of the break, Asahi had been able to keep to himself; a routine of piano, netflix and sleeping was what his days consisted of. Overall it was a dream come true for him. He only interacted with his mother through two Skype calls, one on Christmas and the other on his 20th birthday. Despite the timezone differences, she made sure to call just a little after midnight. She had always done the thing where she wished him a happy birthday right around when he actually was born. It was always nice to know she remembered a detail like that. He really did love her which made the guilt of not seeing her even worse.

Though that paradise was soon interrupted. Just three days before the semester resumed, Asahi found himself being dragged along by Oikawa to a jazz bar.

“It’ll be fun,” Oikawa had said over the phone. “It's more of a music club than anything else. Who knows maybe they'll let you play the piano once the gig is up.”

The shitty attempt to get Asahi to go out didn’t work at all. As if he would want to play the piano for a bunch of strangers; all staring at him with expectations and hope that the piece would be amazing. No, that wouldn't work at all. Instead it was the persistence of Oikawa’s pleading that made Asahi agree. It was after all the only way to get him to shut up.

As Asahi got ready for the night he stared longingly to the shared wall. For the two weeks that Sugawara had lived there Asahi could hear his practice playing when he was home. More times than not it was Bach or Mendelssohn. Sometimes it would be familiar songs that Asahi couldn't put a name to. For the last four days though it was quiet. He would wake up to hear his neighbor moving about and leaving, but no soft music.

He shrugged with whatever worry he had set aside and let Google Maps lead him to the bar that Oikawa had talked about.

He definitely was not excited for the evening and a part of him wished he would get lost.

Despite his hopes, he made it to the bar in under 30 minutes and by the time he had flashed his ID to get in night had completely engulfed the city. Stepping into the bar, Oikawa had greeted him with a large hug (he flinched hard, but as always that was ignored) and dragged him over to their friend group. It was more Oikawa’s friends, but Asahi had no choice in the matter on who he hung out with it. He left that up to Oikawa. The only person he was glad to see with Keiji Akaashi, another quiet person and someone he had on numerous occasions work quietly with during lunch hour. The young man gave him a small smile which Asahi returned with no effort. He was ready to talk to him when Akaashi’s attention was taking away by his friend (or was it boyfriend now?) Koutarou Bokuto. Asahi decided to leave the two violinists be and snuck away to the bar when he had found the perfect opening to do so without drawing attention.

Safe from the crowd, he let out a huge sigh and was ready to order a drink when a voice spoke up.

“You look a little pale, are you alright?”

Asahi turned his head to the voice and was greet by a handsome face. The man was just a little shorter then him, with short black hair and dark brown eyes. Even in the winter, the man had tanned skin. Asahi was somewhat taken back just by how good looking the guy was.

“I’m fine,” Asahi choked out. He cleared his throat and repeated the sentence with more confidence. The man smiled.

“Well that's good. Kind of was scared you’d faint.” The stranger held out his hand, “Daichi Sawamura.”

Asahi stared at the hand unsure if he should risk touching the man. He seriously didn’t want to. Before he could make a move, Daichi took his hand away, seemingly realizing Asahi wouldn’t touch him.

“Can I buy you a drink instead then?”

Asahi nodded and Daichi smiled. Two house gins, nothing special.

With drinks in hand, Daichi began to talk.

“A really good friend of mine is playing here tonight, otherwise I wouldn't dare set foot in this fine establishment. I’m not exactly a fan of the pretentious hipster vibe this place gives off,” He chuckled and Asahi couldn’t help, but smile. Daichi seemed to be nice and warm, something that Asahi couldn’t help, but like. He felt at ease around him.

“My friend dragged me along,” Asahi said softly. “I don't go out to bars often.”

Daichi took a sip of his drink staring at Asahi with expectancy of more. It was then that he realized he never introduced himself.

“I-I’m Asahi by the way. Asahi Azumane.”

Daichi smiled, his eyes widening with recognition. “As in the pianist?”

He nodded. “As in the pianist.”

“I don't play any instruments to be honest. Back in high school I was more into sports and maybe helping the tech department out, but my mom was and still is big into that stuff and talks nonstop about it. She took me to see a concert in Sendai. You played it in.”

Asahi knew which concert it was. He had only played one concert in Sendai after all.  
“Chopin’s Nocturne Opening. 27, Number 2.”

“I think so? I really just remember it being really slow and nice. Maybe a little long.”

Asahi shrugged. The piece had been little over 5 minutes long, but piano pieces always seemed to go on forever. Up on the stage, it always felt like eons of playing to Asahi.

They kept chatting for a while, with Daichi doing most of the talking. It was slow pace and relaxed, a sort of conversation Asahi could enjoy. It was odd to think he enjoyed talking (or listening) to someone, but it was the reality of the situation. In the background was the soft sound of music and hushed chatter. A nice atmosphere.

It was beginning to get late when a man went up onto the stage to introduce the next player. Daichi nudged Asahi and let him know that this would be his friend. Asahi had no issue ignoring the touch and looked to the stage with what he would say was anticipation. When the player stepped onto the stage, Asahi’s mouth dropped. The cellist. This was starting to feel less like coincidences and more like destiny.

Sugawara took a brief bow before sitting down on the stool prepared for him. Slowly he brought the bow to the instrument, before a quick jerk brought out sound. The song was one Asahi had never heard before, but it was cool and fit the atmosphere of the club perfectly. The song consisted of short notes before speeding up. He kept hitting his bow down onto the strings to give of a slicing noise whilst playing notes. It was honestly amazing.

The entire time, Sugawara bounced about and smiled widely as he played as if he was dancing along to the melody. The song was beautiful and with the spotlight shining down on Sugawara creating a halo of light upon, he looked absolutely breathtaking. Asahi felt his heart pounding away in his chest and his face flush up. When the song was over, the club gave a round of applause and just like in the streets, Sugawara got up and gave a dramatic bow. Playing the crowd as always. Daichi looked over to Asahi with a grin, wanting to see his own reaction. Asahi just stared at Sugawara as he got off the stage and into the back.

“Amazing right?”

Asahi nodded. Before long, Sugawara was down in the actually club and immediately made his way to Daichi, a stupid grin on his face.

“You were amazing,” Daichi praised before engulfing the smaller man in a tight hug. “Absolutely amazing.”

Sugawara smiled and thanked him, blush settling on his cheeks. He looked over his shoulder to see Asahi and his eyes went wide, but nevertheless looked happy to see him.

“Asahi-san,” Sugawara turned to Asahi, his smiled bringing out his dimples. “I didn’t realize you were here!”

He shrugged and mumbled about Oikawa dragging him along. He cursed himself inwardly when he realized that the cellist wouldn’t know who Oikawa was. Daichi’s expression did harden at the name, but Suga paid no mind. He kept talking.

“Did you like the show? The song was an original piece of mine. I've been playing here for the last several days, but it was all covers of actual jazz songs, but tonight I wanted to wrap up the job with something original. Something they'd remember me by. Like they’d go home and talk about the amazing new piece they heard and my haunting melody will never leave them.”

Sugawara looked at him, a sense of want coming off of him. Asahi complied and smiled softly.

“I won’t forget the melody, Sugawara-san.”

Sugawara shook his head, “Just Suga. Just call me Suga. And thank you. Your praise means the world to me.”

“I didn’t realize you two knew each other,” Daichi budded in. Suga nodded his head, still grinning.

“He was the one who use to watch me perform back when I tried out street performance. He’s now my neighbor. Coincidences you know?”

Daichi looked away from Suga to Asahi and gave a firm smile. It really surprised Asahi by how relaxed he already felt around this stranger. He felt no anxiety build up in him when he spoke.

“I had no idea he was playing tonight. Like I said-” Asahi looked over to where Oikawa was as if to add emphasis on the sentence. “I was dragged here by a friend.”

Oikawa then made eye contact with Asahi and before he could look away the other man gave a gentle smile and appeared to excuse himself from the crowd. Asahi jerked his head away not wanting to watch Oikawa saunter over. He did like the other pianist, there was no doubt about it. He just always found himself intimidated by Oikawa, with his charms and superior people skills.

“There you are Asahi-san,” Oikawa placed a hand onto his shoulder (Asahi made yet another mental note to tell Oikawa not to in the ambiguous future) and gave another gentle smile. “You just disappeared!”

“The bar,” Asahi pointed between Daichi and the bar which brought Oikawa’s attention to the man. Immediately, Oikawa’s features darkened and Daichi reacted in the same way.

“Sawamura.”

“Tooru.”

The tension between them was unbelievable and suffocating to Asahi. He was able to shake off Oikawa’s grip and without thinking he gently put a hand to his throat, feeling as if he was about to choke. Suga seemed to take notice of this and spoke loudly.

“I got lost getting here, Asahi can you walk me home.”

The atmosphere changed again and all three of them looked to Suga. Asahi nodded quickly whilst bringing his hand away from his throat. Suga gave a huge grin in response and a thank you.

“Well then Daichi-” Suga clasped the man on the shoulder. “-I will see you later. Nice meeting you Oikawa-san. I recognize your name as well, you really are an amazing pianist. Asahi-san, let me just grab my cello case and we can be off. I’ll meet you outside!”

Asahi nodded again and gave his own goodbyes to the two men, the tension returning slowly. He was so glad to be out of there. He didn’t wait long to Suga’s credit, his nose barely had time to start running before he was greet with a ‘let’s go’ and a very bouncing Suga. For a second, Asahi was reminded of his a past boyfriend.

“That was pretty rough huh,” Suga eventually said after five minutes of silence. There wasn’t any of the bounciness to his voice anymore. “Do you know why that happened?”

Asahi shook his head. “You look like you do.”

Suga shrugged nonchalantly. “Oikawa is a very familiar name considering I heard Daichi rant long enough. Apparently your friend use to date Daichi’s older sister.”

Asahi shrugged. He supposed it did make sense, Oikawa had dated someone in their freshman year, but for the life of him Asahi couldn't remember if Oikawa had mentioned a name close to Sawamura.

“Daichi and I dated.” Suga added languidly. That actually did shock him. Asahi had seen the two interact and it had been friendly and warm. That was something of impossibility with Asahi’s own ex.

Not realizing the mental tailspin Suga had put Asahi on, he continued. “It was more of a let’s see if they could work sort of thing. Maybe 3 months and then we were like this has to end. Daichi was and is my best friend in the whole world. I was more or less fearful of losing him if the relationship got too deep so I kept it playful. It didn’t take long because of me to realize it wasn't going to go anywhere.”

Asahi said nothing. They walked for a little while longer before Suga gave out a loud groan and slapped himself in the face. That put him off as well. Suga stopped then and gave a bow.  
“I’m so sorry Asahi-san,” He said as he jerked up from the bow. “I’m really bad with this stuff. I say too much to people without thinking. I’m sorry if I made things awkward!”

Asahi gave a small smile and shook his head. “I’m naturally quiet. Don’t worry.”

Suga looked relieved at that and they continued walking in silence. They didn’t say anything as they entered their building and walked up the 6 flights of stairs. At one point, Asahi had made a gesture to take the cello case, but Suga shook him off. It wasn’t till they were right outside of Suga’s door did the cellist speak.

“You looked really uncomfortable back there,” Suga looked at him with not pity, but rather concern. That was strange to Asahi who had become use to the former. “I felt bad for you. I don’t know you very well, but I've heard stories and from what I've seen there is some truth to them.”  
Suga made no step forward and tried to touch him like most people would. Instead he took a half a step back. It kind of hit Asahi then that the entire walk home Suga had made sure not to brush against him in anyway.

“One person actually said you're a retard. I think that’s completely bullshit and rude. You just seem a little too on edge, that much is obviously. Oikawa looked like he was trying to be friendly to ease you, but he went about it the wrong way. I suppose being more physical with people is his thing. Still it’s nice to know he cares about you.”

Asahi smiled slightly. “You got that all from one meeting?”

“I know people and I've heard things about Oikawa. People want him as an accompanist pianist because he brings the best out of their playing and overall is good with people. I hear a lot of things.”

Suga looked down to the ground, still smiling.

“Asahi-san, I admire you. I’ve heard so many thing about you, but I never wanted to believe them not because of what they said, but rather I wanted to find them out myself. Your name is one I hear a lot. People say you have the nerves of a bird, but the skill of a master and that your father was not far ahead of you. I’ve always wanted to meet an actual performer, someone whose dream of the big stage wasn't a dream, but a reality. You are different then what I expected, but I like you. I only hope they you could like me too.”

Asahi was blown away by Suga’s kind words. He didn’t know what to say, think or feel at that moment. Instead he gave a small bow and whispered out a thank you. When he stood tall once more, Suga gave a smile.

“You seem like a good person, I only hope that we get a chance to talk more. That maybe tonight we can count this as where a friendship started.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Suga smiled wide, dimples forming at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you. I won’t keep you. Have a great night.”

There was a glint of something of Suga’s eyes as he gave a bow, before leaving Asahi alone in the hallway. Again he was left dumbstruck by the cellist. There was something shocking about someone actually wanting to be his friend.

It wasn’t till later, when he was tucked away into his bed with the sound of the melody he heard earlier lingering in his mind did Asahi realise something. That when he had first met him so many months ago, that maybe a part of him fell in love with the cellist. Now that he knew who this cellist was and there was a name to put to the face, that love had faded away. All he wanted now was to get to know more about Suga.


	3. Asahi Fucks Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh this chapter is nsfw towards the end

With the gig being done, Asahi found that Suga went back to playing the cello every night again. It was a soft and comforting sound. After his classes were done for the day and he was about ready to drop dead, the cello’s sound would relax him back to a more neutral state. The soft, mellow songs that Asahi found Suga preferred to play were nice. There were more times than not that Asahi wanted to join into the songs, to play his piano loud enough that Suga could hear it through the walls too. He never got the courage too, thinking he would scare off Suga and maybe come off as creepy. He didn’t want to risk anything.

But honestly that fear of scaring Suga off was slowly dying away. With school back on, Asahi found himself bumping into Suga constantly as he left or returned home. A friendly conversation that was often one sided would happen and it became more and more obvious that Suga wasn’t doing it for any ulterior motives like his brain had convinced him one night. He was just genuinely a nice person. Asahi was more impressed by just how kind Suga was then anything else he knew about the cellist. Almost every morning when the two would bump into each other, Suga would make a comment about Asahi’s playing the night before.

“You’re composition seems to be coming along very well. I can’t wait to hear the finished piece!”

“I heard you trying to play Hungarian Rhapsody. I hope your fingers aren't sore.”

“The Phantom of the Opera medley sounded amazing. Great job.”

With those comments, Asahi’s days seemed lighter and less grey. They didn’t have to be direct compliments to his play, anything Suga said whether it was constructive criticism or just a brief comment was good. His mood seemed to have changed drastically enough for fellow students to notice, especially Oikawa. One January morning, Oikawa had actually cornered him the music room they practiced into question him about it.

“You seem different Asahi-san,” Oikawa had said, practically boxing him in between the shelf with the music sheets and piano. Asahi’s hands were shaking as he pulled out blank sheets.

“Do I?” He mumbled. “I haven't noticed sorry.”

Asahi turned to face Oikawa and was put to ease slightly when he saw a smile on his friend’s face.

“You seem happier. I’m glad.” He gave him a once over very quickly. “You still slouch too much. Bad posture makes for bad piano playing.”

Asahi gave a quick nod and squeezed his way past Oikawa. The other pianist made one last comment.

“Whatever is making you happier, I hope it doesn’t stop. I honestly believe you deserve some happiness.”

The comment that Suga had said the night of the first song seemed to be true. Asahi had been touched that Oikawa seemed to care. Overall, Asahi felt a little better and thanked Oikawa and Suga for it quietly. Happiness didn’t seem to linger for too long.

Just as Feburary had began, Oikawa had finally been able to drag Asahi down to the cafeteria once more. Asahi had noticed that it was actually emptier than usual, though the crowd that Oikawa hung out with was still there with the added bonus of Bokuto and Akaashi; the duet violinist. Before Asahi hadn't been sure if they were dating or if the rumors he heard were just that, rumours. Judging by the way they were practically eating at each others faces, it became clear that the rumours had been true. Asahi gave a side glance to Oikawa at one time and gestured to the two. Oikawa gave a snort and tried to contain his laughter. For a moment Asahi was lost in Oikawa’s smile (he was good looking too and it drove Asahi nuts) before he registered that someone was talking to him.

“Well look who finally showed his face,” said a very familiar voice from behind him. Asahi turned to be faced with a grinning face.

“Hi Kuroo.”

“Hey,” he brought his hand up to give curt wave. He looked away from Asahi to Bokuto before snort. “Hey, save some for later dude.”

Bokuto broke the kiss off with a loud smack and gave Kuroo a teasing glare. 

“You worried you won't have any left over?”

Akaashi glared at Bokuto. “Don't talk about me like I'm a possession.”

As Bokuto scrambled out apologizes, Kuroo laughed and returned his attention to Asahi. “So, I'm wondering about some rumors.”

Kuroo squeezed his way between Asahi and Oikawa, propping his his head on his hands, his usual sly like grin on his face. “Is it true you're not going to be in the spring performance this year?”

Asahi looked away from him and brought his eyes down to his hands. He shook his head quickly, feeling all the eyes were on him. He hated being put on the spot.

“Quiet as ever I see. Well it's a shame, you did an amazing piece last year. Polanaise in C# Minor If I remember correctly.”

Asahi nodded quickly. Oikawa butted in bring the attention off of Asahi. “It was a rendition of Polanaise in C# Minor and Asahi can’t perform because he has to finish the yearly project still.”

“Oh right, you guys have to do a piece every year right? 1st years get stuck with doing a classical piece, 2nd years are compositions, 3rd are baroque and 4th is performing in the Summer concert right? Or was Yaku lying to me?”

“He was right,” Asahi spoke up. “Oikawa and Yaku. I have to finish my composition by May. It needs work.”

Kuroo clasped him on the back. “I'm sure you’ll have it finished. If you change your mind, there still an empty spot I think Nekomata is purposefully leaving it open for you.”

After that incident, Asahi found himself folding into himself again. He had straight up told his instructor he wasn’t feeling well and had to skip practice that day and basically ran all the way home. Even with him stepping away from the spotlight people had expectations of him and it terrified him even more than it had before. He did want to play though. Asahi had always been terrified in playing at concerts or in front of an audience. It came along with his social anxiety and he use to know how to deal with it. When all was said and done, he enjoyed the rush that came after playing a piece and once he had enjoyed the whole process. Nothing could beat an adrenaline rush that was once thing Asahi knew for sure. Then again, the greatest joy he felt was finding his parents in the crowd smiling and looking so proud of him. Once his father’s glasses had fallen off while clapping hard and Asahi had to stop himself from laughing up on the stage.

He really did miss him.

Once in his apartment, his mind seemed to ease up a little. He busied himself with the composition (which after some tweaking was starting to sound nice) before he heard the door next door open and close. A thought hit him which led to an action. He got off the desk and brought the sheet music over to play. The song started off soft and slow to give off a sad presence. Slowly he left the notes pick up and becoming slightly louder, but only barely to change the sadness to something a tad more longing in nature. He brought the piece to a full out crescendo, hitting the plastic keys with force. Quickly he jerked his hands off where he had stopped writing down notes. He didn't know if he should end the song on a high or low note. He got up from the piano and made his way out the door to Suga’s. He rapped on the door quickly and waited for a response.

When Suga opened the door Asahi was slightly taken back by how tired he looked, but brushed it aside.

“What do you think of it so far?” Asahi didn’t let his voice mumble off like normal. He spoke loudly and clear. False confidence had a tendency to do that to him.

“I thought it sounded very beautiful.”

“What are your thoughts on it though. Critique me.”

Suga laughed loudly. “How about I do so over a cup of tea. Bring the sheets over and I'll start the kettle.”

Asahi practically scrambled back to get the sheets. When he returned to the open door, Suga waved him in. It was the first time he had ever stepped into the apartment. It was the same size as Asahi’s with everything being in the same place basically. Suga’s bed though was right up against their shared wall just like Asahi’s. Suga had placed two mugs onto the coffee table and sat down on the couch. Asahi made his way over and sat where there was enough space between the two. Despite how comfortable he had gotten with Suga’s presence and the fact he did want to touch him, he didn’t feel it was appropriate. He handed the sheets over to Suga and watched as he went over them slowly.

“You haven't finished it.”

Asahi shook his head.

“No, I uh haven’t thought of an ending. I began writing it just before my dad’s passing and whatever ideas I had were kind of gone after that.”

Suga’s head jerked away from the paper to Asahi, there was shock on his face.

“I didn’t realize your dad was dead.”

Dead. The word seemed to harsh to Asahi and he couldn’t help, but flinch slightly. Suga tried to apologize when he noticed that, but Asahi waved him off.

“It’s fine. He was um sick for a while so it wasn’t a shock. It was kind of like, finally.”

The two sat there in silence. Suga leaned forward slightly and Asahi made no attempt to move away.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Asahi shrugged. “What is there to say?”

The electric kettle gave a loud click, letting them know the water was boiled. Suga got off the couch and silently poured tea into their mugs. Asahi just stared ahead at them, watching as the steam danced up from his mug.

“Can I say something?” Suga spoke softly as he made his way back to the couch.

“Of course.”

“It kind of seems like a very emotional piece, what you have written. Sadness, longing, anger. These are thing associated with dealing the loss of a loved one. Did you write this with that in mind?”

Asahi looked over to Suga. His face had softened making him look less tired, but concerned. It took everything in Asahi to look into his eyes directly, trying to focus on the little brown flecks in his irises.

“I think so….” Asahi began, but he couldn’t seem to place the words together. He looked away from Suga again and stared down at their hands. Their fingertips were so close together; if he shift over just a little he could touch Suga’s hand easily. “I don’t know how I feel about him being gone.”

“You seem sad.”

He shrugged again. “I’m a very reserved person. It just looks like sadness. I know I miss him. It’s hard to try to deal with it considering I'm surrounded all the time by stuff that reminds me of him.”

Suga said nothing which Asahi was grateful for. He wanted to keep talking for once.

“He was the one that got me to play the piano. It wasn’t like he forced me to, but he… well he use to play it all the time. He was a pianist too. Him and mom actually. Every night before bed for as long as I could remember he would play. Call it stereotypical, but he use to play Claire de Lune every night and Fur Elise. I actually have a music box that plays Fur Elise that dad got me. I wanted to play just like him and he taught me the basics. I ended up showing talent so he got me an actual teacher. He was so proud.”

Asahi could feel tears prickled at his eyes, threatening to spill over and make him feel embarrassed, but he continued.

“Every performance, dad would show up and every time no matter if I won or not he would clap hard and look so damn proud. He got sick around 2 years ago. He still showed up to every performance. The last performance I ever played for him was in his hospital room.”

Asahi gave a small laugh and wiped away at the tears with his sleeve.

“I wanted to play him something he would like. For 2 hours I didn’t stop playing on this little electric piano I brought. Once Upon A Dream from The Sleeping Beauty cause he was always a sucker for Disney songs. Fur Elise and Clair de Lune because obvious reason. Wind Waker Symphonic Movement since we use to play that game together. Just things I knew he would have found memories of. Didn’t matter though. The tumour in his head made him so different. By the end he didn’t even recognize me..... I’m sorry. I just ranted there I shared too much.”

He rubbed at his face only to realize he had actually been crying. When he looked up to Suga, he saw he was crying as well. Asahi opened his mouth to apologize again, but Suga spoke first.

“I think you deserved to rant. I’m so sorry you went through that. I couldn’t imagine the pain you felt.”

On a whim, Asahi moved his hand on top of Suga’s. The cellist looked shocked for a moment and looked down at their hands in disbelief. 

“Suga, I haven't told anyone this before,” Suga looked back up to Asahi and for a second he couldn’t remember what he wanted to say next. Asahi took a deep breath and tried to recollect his thoughts. “I don’t know why, but you make me feel comfortable. I guess you're just a pretty refreshing guy. Just remember I just shared something with you that cannot leave this room.”

“Thank you.”

Now it was Asahi’s turn to be taken back. Thank you? That seemed odd to him. Suga’s hand gripped Asahi’s tighter, bring him out of his momentary stupor. Asahi brought his eyes back to Suga’s and found he didn’t have to force himself this time.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m glad you trust me with it.”

Asahi smiled softly focusing on the warm hand gripping his. 

It felt good.

\---

While Asahi loved those thin walls when Suga would play, there were times he just wanted to move. It hadn’t happened with Suga yet, but with other neighbors he could hear them moving around obnoxiously, loud thumping, yelling, and of course loud music. Some times it was sex. He wasn’t a virgin (technically), yet he would still blush and squirm around when it would happen. Thankfully that wasn't often.

One night though while Asahi was trying to sleep he was dragged out of his drowsy state to the quickly slamming of a door next door. Asahi’s bed was pressed right up to the shared wall and even the regular closing would have woken him up. Curious, pressed his ear to the wall. He could make out two very distinct footsteps and low speaking. He ignored it for a while before hearing another distinct sound. Moaning. 

Asahi practically punched himself as he covered his face as quickly as possible. He was definitely wide awake now and oh god he could hear Suga having sex. Definitely awkward. Very awkward. He tried to ignore the sounds again, but another part of him couldn’t stop listening in. Suga’s moans were louder the other other man’s and it was definitely was a man. So Suga was gay, good news.

To Asahi’s added horror, he was getting hard. Asahi squeezed his eyes shut trying to will away his boner, but Suga’s moan and the thought of him was sending fire straight into the pit of his stomach. His hand acted on it’s own as his fingers trailed past his stomach to his hardened cock. His let out a strangled, quiet moan.

He worked his right hand slowly, listening to the intoxicating moans through the wall. Whatever thoughts he had before were gone and all he could focus on was some sort of release. With his free hand he gripped at the bed sheets, trying to stay quiet. Asahi was brought out of this trance when he heard what was definitely a climax through the wall. With no noise coming from the other side there was sense of panic in him. He tightened his grip to try to get it over and done with. Thankfully he came quickly in his hand and was just hit with pure ecstasy. He had taken the spare pillow and pressed it over his face to make sure that any noise that escaped his mouth was muffled.

For a brief moment there was nothing, but bliss. The wave of post orgasmic bliss was soon wiped away he he realized what he had just done.

He had just masturbated to the thought of someone he saw as his friend. To the sound of them having sex. He was glad to have the pillow over his head when he almost yelled out in frustration. He got off of the bed quickly and tried to wash away whatever evidence there was. He practically slammed his soiled pajama pants into the hamper.

“I’m so sorry,” Asahi whispered to the wall. He felt sick to his stomach.

He had no idea how he was going to talk let alone look Suga after that….


	4. Bad Jokes

When Asahi woke up the next morning, he had a whole 3 seconds of peace before the realization of what had happened came crashing down on him once more. Thoughts of ‘oh fucking Christ” and silent cursing to his biological reactions raced through him before realizing how quiet it was next door.

Not learning his lesson, Asahi pressed his ear right up against the wall and heard nothing. He almost breathed a sigh of relief before the sound of people talking interrupted him. A male voice, familiar yet unknown spoke briefly before the sounds of footsteps and a door opening and closing. Asahi flopped back down on the bed wondering again how he was going to face Suga after last night. It wasn’t like he imagined fucking Suga into the mattress or the way those moans would sound underneath him. Not at all. He was pure and full of goodness. 

Convincing himself that was true turned out to be impossible. He groaned loudly and shoved his pillow into his face, hoping for the sweet release of death. Anything other than the images of the cellist mewling at his touch. Still the thoughts of Suga’s honey eyes half lidded, those pink lips reddened from abuse sent heat straight to the pit of his stomach.

Before he could decided what to with his half hard cock there was a loud rapping at his front door. He made his way to the door (not before shifting his pants to stop any awkward tenting) and was once again thrown back by those honey eyes. Suga looked exhausted and his neck was just littered in bite marks and bruises. More heat to the pit of his stomach.

“Sorry to bother you,” Asahi looked off when Suga spoke, trying not to remember those moans from last night. “But you wouldn’t have any instant coffee would you? I'm out and I need my fix.”

Asahi nodded quickly and turned quickly away from Suga. As he walked to the kitchen he heard quiet footsteps behind him. He turned to look and saw Suga entering the apartment, cautiously looking about as if something was going to pop out at him. It was slightly endearing.

“Don’t be so scared, my bodyguards are gone for the day.” Asahi reached up into the cupboard to grab the jar he needed. Asahi quickly glanced back over to Suga to see a smile on his face.

“I think that’s the first time you’ve actually made a joke with me.”

Asahi shrugged as he turned on the stove for the kettle. “How do you take your coffee?”

It was an odd way to start your morning off. One second Asahi was ready to either die or jerk off to the image of Suga and here he was pretending such a thing never happened. Little by little the pressure in his stomach (he didn’t if he should call it anxiety or arousal) faded away as he listened and occasionally talk with Suga on the couch. He pressed his face into back cushion of the couch listening to Suga talk about another gig he was offered. When he had paused to take a sip of the coffee Asahi spoke up. A part of him knew he had to address what had happened last night else it was going to gnaw away at him.

“I didn’t hear you play last night. Where you out?”

Suga made a choking noise before looking to Asahi. By the look on Suga’s face it was obvious he knew what Asahi was getting at.

“I suppose it makes sense you can hear me like I can hear you.”

“Yeah, but I'm playing my piano not having loud sex.”

Red was such a nice colour on Suga’s face. Asahi expected him to maybe to blush softly, but he had to stop himself from smiling as he watched Suga just go absolutely red.

“I’m so sorry,” he practically squeaked and Asahi couldn’t help it. A huge grin just snuck out and any sort of anxiety he had before was gone.

“I really am. Oh my god, Asahi-san I didn’t mean to disturb you and I feel so bad,” Suga leaned forward just enough for Asahi to get a glimpse of his shoulder that was as red as Suga’s face.

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not. I left my old place cause I guess I lived next to a nymphomaniac who just screamed every time she had a guy over. I really am so sorry.”

Asahi shook his head and looked off. “I meant it. I just thought I should let you know.”

“Did I keep you up?”

“Kind of.”

“Oh no.”

Asahi gave a breathy laugh. Suga was really endearing when embarrassed. 

“Did you at least enjoy the show,” and now it was Asahi’s turn to go red. Suga’s voice had gone from squeaky to that casual tone he alway had. Whatever remnants of the grin he had earlier just dropped and Asahi felt his face burn up. He hugged his arms hard to make himself smaller and Suga just let out a snort.

“I really am sorry. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Suga cocked his head to the side, trying to make eye contact with Asahi, but he looked away and tried to curl up into himself.

“You owe me,” Asahi eventually said. “You owe me big.”

“Oh?” The teasing lilt was back in his voice and Asahi felt ready to play along.

“Yeah,” He retorted, loosening his grip on his arms slightly. “For the awkward boner and coffee.”

The words hit him hard when they left his mouth and Asahi found himself cringing hard. Not thinking before he spoke and saying the stupidest things was the exact reason he never spoke and he had just lowkey admitted to what he had done. He was contemplating death once more before Suga just bursted out with laugher. Asahi watched as Suga tried to stop laughing to talk. His face had gone done to a more pinky hue and eyes were clenched shut with laugher, but little tear formed at the corners of them. Asahi smiled nervously, feeling slightly better at Suga’s reaction.

“How should I pay you then?” Suga said after he was able to control his laughter. “Money or blowjobs?”

“I’m more of a handjob sort of guy.”

Suga bursted out in laughter again and Asahi found himself laughing too. 

“Honestly,” Suga said as he wiped away the tears. “I don't know how people could say you’re weird. You are just as bad as my best friends.”

Asahi furrowed his eyebrows and let his smile drop slightly again. “You really don’t know me Sugawara.”

Still smiling, Suga just looked at him with soft eyes. “I would like to though. If it’s alright with you?”

Asahi shrugged (he mentally reminded himself to stop doing that so much, it was starting to become a tick) and picked at the couch cushion. “I’m really not that interesting.”

“No, but you’re funny and nice. And I like you.”

Asahi smiled gently and kept picking at the cushion.

“Asahi-san?”

“Just Asahi.”

“Pardon?”

Asahi looked up from the couch and directly into Suga’s eyes. That he noticed was becoming an easier thing to do. “Please just call me Asahi. The honorific makes me feel old. I’m only 20.”

As Suga smiled Asahi found he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. He had noticed before, but Suga had tiny little brown flecks in his irises, but it was the first time he realized that the honey colour was actually more amber and dark in colour. Asahi was just fascinated by those eyes.

“Asahi?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going out tonight with my friends. Going out clubbing and stuff cause it's Saturday and we’re young. Do you want to come with me?”

He hated going out to bars and clubs. Unnecessary touching and interacting with people often followed, but in that moment Suga could have asked him for anything in that moment and he would comply without complaint.

“Of course.”

\---

There was a tight sensation in Asahi’s chest as Suga had led him to where he promised to meet up with his friends.

“It’s usually just the three of us,” Suga explained as they waiting in the subway station. “You’ve met one of them. Daichi. He works as a bartender at another club so he’s kind of savvy when it comes to drinks though he actually doesn’t drink often? I don’t know, he’s actually a really tamed kind of guy.”

“I see.”

“You’ll like Kiyoko though. She’s a real sweetheart. She’s in one of my classes and she’s is a dream come true. Though I would watch out for her a bit. They really are tame, the two of them, but damn they can be really something else, especially when they're drunk.”

Suga kept talking and Asahi took that moment to give him a once over. He didn’t look so tired anymore and overall had a relaxed air about him. Totally opposite of Asahi. He felt tense and anxious about going out.

“Suga?”

“Hmm?”  
The slight breeze in the station made Suga’s hair flow slightly and with those pretty eyes of his, he basically looked like model. Asahi for the millionth time forgetting his words and silently cursed himself for being perceptible to pretty people.

“Asahi?” Suga smirked slightly.

“I forget what I was going to say.”

Suga let out a snort and looked back out to the empty track. “Don’t be too worried okay? Tonight isn’t going to be insane or anything. We’re just heading to Kiyoko’s work to meet with Daichi and her and then we go out. Nothing too special.”

“I’m more worried about actually being out?”

Suga gave him a side glance and Asahi found himself blushing hard.

“What do you mean?”

Asahi looked away from Suga feeling himself going redder with slight embarrassment. “I don’t think it's a secret, but I don't like being touched. I’m just worried about that. People like to touch each other in clubs”

Suga’s face softened and gave a small sigh. “Don’t worry. Knowing how the last couple of times have gone, we probably won’t even make it out to the bars. Last time we just went to Daichi’s place and got drunk while watching movies.”

Asahi let out a breathy laugh and looked back to Suga. “What a relief.”

At the point the subway made its way into the station. The huge gust of wind was strong enough to tear quite a few strands of hair from Asahi’s bun, but he made no attempt to fix it. He just stared at Suga with reverence finding himself getting lost in those beautiful eyes and perfect smile.

The rest was a slight blur to Asahi as they boarded the subway and soon found themselves making their way down a busy street with Suga’s hand gripping tight around his wrist.

“Where does this Kiyoko work anyways?” Asahi finally spoke up after what felt like ages. They had made their way to a busier part of the city and it was making him curious.

“Don’t laugh or get blushy okay.”

“Um okay?”

“A stag shop.”

Asahi was confused by that statement as Suga pulled him away from the crowd and to another street. On the way he bumped into a person by accident and he felt his skin get slightly itchy. It was only then he realized that Suga’s hand around his wrist didn’t make his skin crawl.

“A stag shop?”

“Yeah,” Suga turned to look at him. “Do you know what that is?”

Asahi shook his head. To be honest, the term rung a bell, but it was a dim and he could make no connections. Suga smiled, those little dimples of his showing up again. The smile a little more pity than anything else.

“Its… um I'm trying to think of the word here. Okay I have a friend who's an international student from North America and she calls adult shops a stag store or shop. It's like a brand of a store. I’m sorry she got me hooked on that term and I uh oh shoot.”

Suga pressed his free hand over his mouth when he saw just how red Asahi had gotten.

“Okay wow,” Asahi mumbled out, hating how hot his face felt.

“I’m sorry I should have mentioned that before. Kiyoko only took the job because money is money right? It’s kind of like I will take any gigs I can and Daichi literally hops about different bars.”

Asahi felt slightly guilty about actually having money. He mumbled out an apology and Suga shook him off.

“No reason to say sorry. Mom and Dad pay for my schooling and stuff, but I like to make some too just to actually help support myself too.”

“I see.”

Suga gave another smile and led them to another street. It wasn’t long before they were in front of the store. It was pretty nondescript which seemed to be on purpose. If it flashed colors and was all out there, Asahi was sure they wouldn’t get customers and there would be no way in hell Suga would get him in there. Inside was tame to and he was met by loud laughter.

Daichi was the same as before, tall and handsome. The new person piqued Asahi’s interest. Never was he actually interested in women which had always been met by criticism from friends and even his own parents. He was really gay and never really questioned it. This young woman made him question his sexuality big time. Her hair was the same colour as crow feathers, black with the light giving off what looked like a blue shimmer. She was smaller and slim, nothing too remarkable, but her face was so soft and her eyes framed with pretty long eyelashes. She was honestly sexy and that little mole by the corner of her mouth just made it all perfect. When she made eye contact with Asahi, he found himself getting blushy and had to look away. Even her eyes, pale blue and soft were beautiful.

“Daichi,” Suga basically launched himself into Daichi’s arm and giggled when he was met with a squeeze. He looked over to the young woman with his arms right around Daichi’s neck. “Hey Kiyoko!”

“Hi Koushi,” Kiyoko smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. She even sounded beautiful. Kiyoko then looked over to Asahi and smiled. “Hello.”

Asahi wasn’t shocked with himself when he found that he couldn’t speak. He waved shyly and stuck his hands into his coat pocket. He felt himself getting flustered.

Suga and Daichi’s bear hug was broke and Suga looked over to Asahi with exasperation written all over his face. “Asahi come here, don't be scared Kiyoko doesn’t bite before the 2nd date.”

The joke worked slightly and Asahi felt himself wanting to laugh, but the anxious thoughts in his head made him feel not so comfy. 

Before he knew it there was a strong grip on his shoulder and Asahi felt his stomach lurk a little. Daichi smiled wide and gave him a small squeeze.

“Hey Asahi-san! It’s good to see you again!”

Asahi tried to smile, but it felt a little forced. Daichi either ignore that or didn’t notice as he turned to Kiyoko, his hand still on Asahi’s shoulder. 

“Shimizu, this is Asahi Azumane. You know they guy Suga wouldn’t shut up and just went on about.”

Asahi looked away from Daichi and to Suga. With Daichi’s words he had gone red and was quick to jump in to stop Daichi from saying anything further.

“I only mentioned he was a great pianist! Daichi don't make things sound like what they aren't!”

Daichi gave a snort and let his hand fall from Asahi’s shoulder. Asahi rubbed where the hand once was gingerly and Daichi turned back to him.

“You should hear him sometimes, it actually quite cute.” Daichi cleared his throat and struck a pose as if to imitate a starstruck girl, his hands placed on his cheeks and a goofy smile on his face. With a higher voice he tried to imitate Suga’s so called rants. “Oh Daichi, he’s just so good looking and nice! I can hear him play through the walls and oh my GOD he is just so amazing. I want his adopted children!”

Daichi dropped the pose and voice and laughed loudly. “Just joking! He does talk about you a lot though.”

Asahi founded himself chuckling at the show. Again around Daichi he felt comfortable. Suga on the other hand looked uncomfortable and unimaginably red. Kiyoko had a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Daichi you cunt.” Suga hissed out.

Asahi’s mouth dropped at the swear, but Daichi just laughed louder as he turned back to his friends. Kiyoko looked like she was having a hard time containing her laughter and Suga just looked pissed. Honestly Asahi would have laughed too if he was a little shocked at how even swears sounded nice coming from him.

“So are we going out,” Kiyoko started, his voice a little unstable from containing her laughs. “Or are we going to swear at each other?”

Suga broke his gaze away from Daichi (it was more of a glare then anything else) and looked to Kiyoko with a warm smile. His face was still super red.

“I was thinking maybe we just do something a little quiet this Saturday. I don’t want to scare Asahi away.” Suga gave a small laugh and looked back to him. Maybe it was his imagination, but Asahi swore Suga’s smile always got softer when he looked to him.

“I think that would be smart,” Daichi added. “I have to be up before noon tomorrow so let’s not do anything stupid.”

That was basically how Asahi found himself in Daichi’s apartment doing what Suga had mentioned before, getting drunk and watching movies. As boring as it had sounded before, it was an event all in itself. Asahi found himself actually liking the two new people.

Daichi was definitely a real cool guy who teased Suga enough to show the two had enough history to do so. Kiyoko also turned out to not to be as scary as Asahi had thought. She was really beautiful which had put him off before, but she was funny and quiet. Even in her intoxicated state, she still spoke carefully and knew actually when to make a comment. She definitely had comic timing down pat.

The best part of the evening had to be the fact that Suga no matter if he was talking to Asahi or the other two, he was always touching him. When they had left the shop earlier, he had told Daichi off quickly and mentioned how Asahi didn’t like being touched and luckily enough Daichi had paid attention, making no attempts to touch him again. Suga though was always brushing up against Asahi, whether it was their shoulders or when they sat on the couch their thighs. Asahi never complained, the sensation he got from all those touches was the opposite of what he normally felt. Instead of an itchy, over sensitive feeling it was warm and tingled softly. Suga had practically held his hand when they left Daichi’s place to go back home. Suga’s firm grip around his wrist sent heat flooding through his veins with the source feeling the hottest.

It wasn't until Asahi had made sure Suga had gotten into his apartment and he had plopped down on his bed, his mind fuzzy and warm from all the drinks that it really hit him that he was falling for the cellist next door.

All those warm touched stayed with him till he fell asleep hoping he could spend another night with Suga again.


	5. Simple Waltz

So Asahi was back to being antisocial.

The next morning after the night out he had with Suga he thought he was going to die from a heart attack just from the way his heart wouldn’t stop hammering away. It had hit him again, that feeling of falling in love. He had freaked himself out well enough that morning by over thinking and being just his worrisome self that he had actually had an anxiety attack.

He liked Suga and there was no way in hell he was ever risking whatever they had just because Asahi found him attractive in an aesthetic and romantic way. At first the cellist had been nothing, but an anomaly in Asahi’s everyday life. Grey days that passed by without any weight to them and suddenly he was looking forward to seeing him play with so much passion and life that it made Asahi long for what he once had. Then suddenly the cellist had a name and Suga wasn’t just an amazing player, but an amazing person who could touch Asahi without making him feel gross and off.

What Suga had done to Asahi was honestly terrifying in his mind. Never had he felt this way. Yes, he had dated once before, but Nishinoya had been a constant in his life since he was 10 years old; when he still felt alive and full of life. Asahi had been stupid enough to push Noya away when things started to go south and while they still remained friends there was a strain between them. History made it hard to have the friendship they once did. Suga was new though and the same went for all the experiences that went along with the cellist. Asahi didn’t feel what he had with Noya which he did find himself missing more times than not. Suga was just an adventure waiting to happen whether they were in a romantic or platonic relationship.

Yet again, terrifying. Hence the avoiding and standoffish behavior that Asahi picked up once more. It didn’t last long.

One night, after coming home a little later than usual thanks to Oikawa’s insistence at joining him and Iwazumi for practice (turns out whatever rumors he had heard were true. The duet where in fact dating. Not too surprising) Asahi had bumped into Suga as he retrieved some mail. Asahi like always was just blown away by him, even in casual clothing he looked like an angel. Of course running into Suga had been the exact opposite of what Asahi wanted and he had dropped the envelopes in his hand in response. The immediate response was to pick up said letters and of course that was Suga’s response too. Like they were in some kind of badly written shoujo manga, they both reached for the same letter at the same time.

Suga had given a little laugh. Asahi died inwardly. Before he could run away and pray to whatever god was listening to deliver him the sweet death he yearned for Suga had spoken up.

“Did I do something wrong?”

The look he had given Asahi then had practically killed the pianist. It wasn’t hurt or anything that would cause any normal person guilty, but rather concern and that always made Asahi squirm with guilt. It felt wrong that someone other than his mother would be concerned over him. He had shook his head as quickly as he could without making himself pass out, but Suga still looked at him with persistence. It was the same sort of look his mother had always given him if Asahi was keeping something from her. Another stab of guilt.

“I’m fine,” Asahi was barely able to get those two words out and little voice in his head called him pathetic over it. He’d rather be pathetic then tell Suga the truth that he was avoiding him because he wanted to do dumb romantic stuff with him after only knowing the guy for a few weeks not counting the months before.

“I’m glad you’re fine Asahi,” Suga started, looking slightly exasperated. “I want to know if I did something though. It seems like you’re avoiding me.”

That dumb voice in the back of Asahi’s head whispered jackpot and it took a shit ton of willpower for him not to smack the voice away.

“I’m just being stupid.” And Asahi was seriously contemplating smacking himself the second those words left his mouth. He felt even more stupid for saying that, but the reaction Suga had just shook away that feeling. His shoulders had tensed up and he looked even more concerned than before. Before Suga could speak though Asahi had been quick to blurt out an apology. 

“I’m really sorry I just freaked out cause you’re a really nice person and I like you a lot and I found myself getting attached and I’ve had issues with that before which didn’t end well so I sort was afraid that was going to happen again cause I’m stupidly clingy. Please forgive me and don’t blame yourself for my idiocy,” the rant had ended with Asahi bowing deeply and trying to not blow away the stray hairs from his face. He stared intently at the floor not wanting to see Suga’s reaction knowing doing so would cause more guilt. 

Asahi could easily say he was surprised when he saw Suga’s sneakers and realized that the cellist was leaning down to try and grab his attention. Yet again he was blown away that Suga didn’t touch him unlike most would have tried to do.

Asahi brought himself up to a standing position once more as did Suga. They were incredibly close considering the space before. Asahi could actually feel the faint feeling of Suga’s breath along his collarbone.

“Don’t apologize Asahi.” Suga smiled softly. “I just got worried that I overstepped my boundaries last weekend. I know you don’t like being touched and that you are a nervous person. I felt like by pushing what I saw where your boundaries I had scared you off. I’m sorry for that.”

Asahi was quickly to shake that thought away. “I do like being around people. I enjoyed last weekend actually it’s just been ages since I felt myself having fun around so many people and it freaked me out a bit I suppose. Believe it or not, but I use to be a very social person. I'm just a paranoid, anxious mess.”

“Oh,” was all Suga had to say before looking down at his shoes. He seemed deep in thought and Asahi made no attempt to break the silence. Another tenant had passed by in the entrance then and had given the two a weird look. Asahi awkward waved his hand and with the lady gone Suga gave a small laugh.

“I wonder what she was thinking,” Suga said. Asahi shrugged.

“What are these assholes doing clogging up the entrance. God I hate the youth.” Asahi joked. It worked and Suga gave a snort.

“Asahi, don’t feel bad either okay. You’re not being stupid.”

Those words were suppose to be comforting and to a point they were, but guilt hit Asahi again as he knew he was holding truth from Suga. He shrugged in response.

“I always feel bad about the things I do. Mental illness is a shitty thing that likes to insult everything you do and try to tell you that you’re not actually sick just weird.”

Suga cocked his head to the side and looked at him with slight curiosity. “I kind of guessed you had some sort of disorder.”

Again he shrugged not feeling so well into telling Suga the exact diagnosis as Asahi felt he wanted.

“I’m always a weird person that’s all you need to know. I tend to go to extremes about stuff. I'm aware of it and I think it’s ridiculous, but it’s how I cope. You’ll know for certain if you ever actually do something that hurt me. Trust me.”

Another soft smile from Suga. “Well I pray that you do tell me if I ever do something you don’t like. I'm trying to do my best here to make you feel good, but I'm far from being perfect.”

That warmed Asahi’s insides up completely. He had gotten to use to people ignoring what exactly he didn’t like that it was so odd that someone was trying. He felt his whole body just relax and he couldn’t help, but smile.

“Is there anything I could do to make you feel good? No innuendo there,” Asahi had said with a breathy laugh. Suga had laughed too with his face flushing ever so slightly.

“I would feel really good if you wanted to come up and watch a movie with me. Only if you to.”  
It wasn’t till a while later that Asahi realized that when he had clasped Suga on the shoulder and agreed to watch the movie it had been the first time he had made an attempt to touch him. Hell, it was the first time he had done that in ages. After that, it had gone back to the familiar tempo they had before with a bit more intimacy to it. Asahi had inwardly called it a waltz as they talked it the mornings before their classes and hung out together in the nights.

Asahi kept reciprocating those brief touches whether is was a touch to the arm or a nudge. It was through those nights they spent together mainly at Suga’s apartment that Asahi found out more about him.

To Asahi’s surprise, Suga was in studying medicine along with Shimizu. He had learned when he saw the reading that Suga had to do and the piles of homework that came along. Whatever bitching he had done before about his own homework was gone and Asahi felt a little shame over it. One night he had actually brought up the subject of Suga’s schooling.

“This is going to sound odd,” Suga had looked up from the textbook he had been going over and Asahi gulped loudly not feeling like he should continue. Suga cocked his head expecting more so Asahi forced himself to continue. “Suga why are you taking medicine?”

Suga had shrugged then and looked away from Asahi. “I want to help people and the world needs more doctors. I also was very much in love with the show _Scrubs_ when I was younger.”

“I’m being serious. I thought when we first met you went to an arts school. Your playing is good enough to do so.”

Suga sighed loudly and closed his eyes. He looked tired. “Ah there's the rub. I only started play the cello when I was 17 out of a whim. I use to play volleyball with Daichi, but I had a bad fall and that season was over for me. My mom suggested I tried something else and I was always a fan of classical and baroque music. So the cello.” 

Suga opened his eyes and looked over to Asahi before continuing. “I got good fast. I practiced like crazy and I wanted to go off to an art school too. I actually applied to the one you're at now. I wasn’t accepted to any cause I hadn’t made an impression on them. I’ve never played in a concert or anything.”

Asahi looked away from Suga and off to the bed in the room. He felt bad for bringing it up, but Suga didn’t seemed bother. Instead he kept talking.

“You know that’s my biggest dream. To play in front of an actual audience. Not in some bar or on the corner of block. I want to be in a concert hall with hundreds of people looking at me and walking out of the room being blown away by my playing. I want to play and be remembered.”

“That’s a good dream,” Asahi whispered with the seedling of a thought growing in the back of his head.

“I use to put my all into volleyball but, now it’s the cello. Before I wanted to go off and win at inter high, but now I just want the opportunity to play for people. It seems less glamorous as winning a sporting event, but I think I like this dream a lot more.”

Asahi looked back to Suga to see a wistful smile on his face and that small thought in his head bursted out of his mouth.

“Every May the school puts on a concert for the public that we refer to as the Spring Concert. It’s the only one where the entire school can perform at and have a large audience. I have a chance to enter it, but I don’t want to do it alone. Please accompany me.”

Suga stared at Asahi with disbelief. Wistfulness was gone and was replaced by something less tangible. It was hard to say if it was happiness or something a little more, but it didn’t matter when Suga flung himself into Asahi’s arms and gripped him tight. He let out a tiny sob of a yes and just pressed his head into the crook of Asahi’s neck. Asahi took a while to respond, but he enveloped Suga in his arm, squeezing him tightly. Asahi didn’t mind the feeling of shirt getting wet or the soft shaking from Suga. He felt so warm and scared in that moment nothing really matter.

Asahi realized what he had done, but that didn’t seem to matter. He made a mental note to write an email to Nekomata in the morning about it.

\---

Asahi had barely made it through the next day before he was in his mind ambushed. He had emailed Nekomata about taking up the vacant spot in the concert’s list and he had woken up to a very happy and polite emailing telling him how glad the man was and how excited he was. Asahi should have guess someone would have found out about it sooner or later. Asahi had been in the music room floor surrounded by the sheets of music that held his composition when Oikawa had bursted in with a huge smile on his face.

“Congratulations!”

Asahi had looked up to Oikawa with slight distaste for his loudness.

“I entered a concert I didn't get married or something else that needs congratulating.”

Oikawa’s mouth practically dropped to the floor then. “Asahi-san, did you just sass me?”

“I think he did.”  
The second voice was so familiar and with it it sent a jab of guilt and regret to his gut. Nishinoya was smiling and looking as good as ever. Asahi jerked his head away and looked down to the papers in front of him, trying to remember the notes he had before wanted. Ignoring Noya had never been a smart option, the violinist was always someone who never took no for an answer in the most charming of ways. Asahi tried to ignore those sneakers in front of him and the recurring thoughts that came along with Noya’s presence.

_“Play with me once more Asahi!”_

Asahi shuddered remembering the tone in Noya’s voice that day, the absolute want for things to be normal again. He clenched his fist tight when Noya began to speak.

“You know, while it isn't as exciting as getting married the fact that you decided to play in a concert again is truly amazing. I would say it calls for congratulations. What do you think Oikawa-san?”

Asahi looked up in time to see the pianist nod happily.

“I say it’s like the second coming of Christ, but would that be a little dramatic?”

Noya laugh, “Definitely not.”

He then looked down to Asahi with the most sincere smile on his face and Asahi found himself blushing. He silently reminded himself again that he had been the one to break off their relationship and that he had to move on. Asahi wanted to scoff at the latter considering he thought himself well past their old relationship, he had 2 years to do so. There was just that lingering feeling of wanting and hoping. His father had told him that feeling was natural not too long after had first split.

As the two did their little thing of congratulating and playing about, Asahi found himself sinking deeper into thought. Maybe less thought, but rather the average grey that took over his mind before. He couldn’t take it much longer.

“Guy,” he interrupted them quickly. “I need to compose. Please go.”

Oikawa raised his eyebrows in surprise and Noya looked just as taken back. Not surprising considering Asahi normally would let them do their thing.

“Whatever has gotten into you Asahi,” Noya said. “I hope it doesn’t go. It’s nice to see you somewhat back to normal.”

He gave one more smile before leading Oikawa out of the room. When the two were gone and the door closed, Asahi let out a giant sigh. He put all his weight behind him on his elbows and let his head drop back to stare at the ceiling. Emotionally empty was a good way to describe how he felt in that moment. He couldn’t stop himself from associating Noya’s presence to the conversation that led to them breaking up which tired him out on any given day, but the thought of his father was even worse.

The day was barely half over and he was already exhausted. It did eventually get better though it wasn’t until he was outside his apartment door trying to find the keys in his bag. As he pulled the keychain out from the bottom of his bag, the binder that held all his sheet music out. Unlike the envelopes, they were caught. Asahi looked down to the floor in shock to see Suga, who had dived to grab it.

“I guess volleyball came in handy,” was all Asahi could think to say and it made Suga laugh so the thoughtless comment was worth it. He got up from the ground and brushed off his pants with one hand quickly before holding the binder to him. Asahi whispered a thank you.

“Good thing I came when I did huh,” Suga said with a smile as Asahi took the binder. “Before I forget can we talk about this concert thing? I just have a few questions.”

“Yeah sure. Want to come in?” Suga nodded quickly and Asahi smiled. “Grab your cello while you’re at it. I feel like practicing instead of doing work.”

By the time Suga came lugging the giant hard case Asahi had settled on the loveseat with the kettle going. Suga placed the case gentle propped up on the bed and practically threw himself down on the couch.

“I’ve had the most exhausting day,” Suga moaned out slouching on the cushions.

“Oh?”

Suga turned his head to Asahi and sighed deeply before continuing. “Just a professor being a grouch. That doesn't matter though, I got through the day thinking about this concert. Which brings me to my questions.”

Asahi listened vigilantly as Suga asked away about the standards of concerts and he answered to the best of his ability. Suga seemed more bouncy and happier than usual as Asahi explained the basics and he honestly found it so sweet and endearing. It was nice to know that while Asahi was lowkey scared about it, Suga was excited. 

“I have a question for you though,” Asahi had asked after he had answered everything he could. Suga had stayed long enough that they both agreed on ordering some pizza. At that moment the two were cleaning up the mess.

“Yeah sure,” Suga said as he placed the two dinner plates in the sink. 

“What piece do you want to play.”

Suga froze, squinted and looked off into nowhere. It took a moment before he turned back to Asahi who had been throwing away the used napkins; his eyebrows furrowed and looking a little lost.

“I have no idea.”

Asahi smiled. “This isn’t the biggest concert we do so there isn't a real restriction on stuff. It's more like a talent show. Mainly people put on a show and try to please the audience. And they're easy to please, its not your usual artsy people, but general public. We could play anything we wanted.”

“Even the masterpiece Anaconda by her majesty Nicki Minaj?”

Asahi snorted and Suga gave a toothy smile.

“Yeah, even Nicki Minaj.”

Suga shrugged and leaned up against the counter. “What do you suggest. I'm sort of new to this sort of stuff.”

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Asahi walked over to his piano and stoked the plastic keys softly, trying to think. “It's been ages since I’ve play for an audience and when I did it was stuffy, cliche pieces that would guarantee me first place with the judges. I was always trying to appease the ones marking me, but with this we don’t have to do that at all. We should have fun with it.”

“So screw Bach.”

Asahi shrugged. He had a few ideas, but at the same time he had nothing. He sat down on the bench and set himself up ready to play. “If I had to suggest anything I would say we do something everyone knows and something a little more classic.”

He pressed his fingers down on the keys, but didn’t let them play any notes. He was so wrapped up in thought he didn’t realize Suga had sat next to him until he spoke.

“Ever hear of Mendelssohn?”

Asahi turned his head to him and gave Suga a disgruntled look. “Excuse you, I've been playing the piano since I was 6. I have been tutored by the best our country has to offer. I've been to the finest art schools. Of course I’ve heard of Mendelssohn.”

Suga rolled his eyes. “I’m just making sure okay. Look Mendelssohn had this well know set called-”

“Song Without Words yes I know.”

“WELL,” Suga rose his tone looking a little annoyed. “It would be nice to play okay. Not the full set, it’s close to 2 hours long, but maybe a section. D Major Opening 109 is a good slow enough piece and is a good piece for a piano cello duet. You know to end on after dropping some sick ass beats.”

Asahi chuckled then pressed down on one of the black keys; letting the tune carry for a few seconds. He jerked his finger off abruptly and stared down at the key. 

“I'm willing to do whatever you want,” he mumbled.

“Asahi I will only do what you want.”

“Do you have a favourite song?”

Asahi turned to look at Suga once more and the cellist looked slightly confused.

“I think so.”

“Well,” Asahi turned to look back down to the keys. “You give me a song and I will put it to paper. Simple stuff.”

Suga pressed down on a key as well. Asahi watched as he slowly tried to play Chopsticks with one hand and let his fingers softly graze off the keys. “I’ve always enjoyed anything Avicii. You know, the Swedish DJ guy that did _Wake Me Up_? I love his stuff.”

“Maybe try to find something that fits Mendelssohn?”

Suga snorted and tried again at chopsticks. “Felix Mendelssohn was a composer during the early Romantic period. Just play love songs and everyone will be happy.”

Asahi felt himself blush. Love songs were something he’d like to avoid considering his feelings, but then again he wanted to do what Suga wanted.

“How about we fuck about with songs for now,” Asahi said as he copied Suga and tried to copy his endless playing of chopsticks. “And figure out if Minaj grooves with Mendelssohn.”

Suga nodded and after a few minutes of play chopsticks over and over they finally were playing in harmony.

“If our duet will be as good as this one,” Asahi had whispered when the waltz ended. “We are going to be stars of the show.”

Suga shook his head. “I think I will be just content playing with you. I don’t need to be a star.”

He then let his hand brush against Asahi’s before laying his palm open. Asahi took the message quickly and laced his fingers between Suga’s. He looked over to Suga who was staring down intently at the keys. He was blushing and that made Asahi blush even more.

In both their heads nothing truly matter in that moment. The pianist and cellist were content just playing a simple waltz and holding hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The namesake of the fiction just made its way into the fic wow would you look at that.
> 
> I may compose an actual playlist of all the songs played by these two and others on youtube but I dont think thatll happen till I finish SWW so yeah


	6. The Beginning

_There was a sense of both excitement and worry to Asahi as he sat down at the family piano, ready to play the composition he had practice for so long. He played a soft melody to warm up, a simplified version of Fur Elise and there was no want to press hard down on the keys. There had never been that want up to that point. He played softly as he could to not wake his father upstairs. His dad was no stranger to headaches, but the one that he was suffering from now was borderline a migraine and the poor man had been dealing with it for several days by then._

_Asahi didn’t like the way his father had gone pale with lack of sleep and a surplus of pain, but there was nothing he could do. Instead he played the piano and would talk softer than usual when his father was up and about. Asahi kept playing Fur Elise and transitioned it slowly into the composition he was to play in two nights. His father’s composition. There was a huge sense of pride as he tapped out the notes his father had woven together so beautifully. He found himself getting lost in the song to the point he hadn’t heard the footsteps behind him._

_“It’s a wonderful thing seeing the notes you write come to life.”_

_Asahi turned around to see his father, his dark brown hair messy from sleep and his eyes red rimmed. He offered his father a smile which was received and returned. He walked as Hitoshi made his way over to the bench and sat to the right of his son. Asahi stared at Hitoshi's hands with reverence as he played a random tone. He never understood how people could say pianist’s have such delicate hands when he looked at his father’s. Even before he started to lose weight, his hands had a veiny and muscular. His knuckles and joints showed the amount of pressure put on them over the years. When the melody ended and Hitoshi comb his hands through his son’s hair, Asahi could feel they were calloused and strong._

_“Your hair is getting long,” He croaked. Even that warm voice of his had changed and Asahi felt pity for the man._

_“I don’t like scissors near my ears,” He answered honestly. His father laughed and brought his hand down to his shoulders._

_“Fair enough! It looks good, just be carefully your mother might try to cut it off in your sleep.”_

_Asahi snorted and looked back down to the keys. He stroked the ivory softly and loved how chilled they felt against his fingers._

_“Will Yuu be coming to the concert at all,” Hitoshi asked as he watched Asahi take up the song once more._

_“Mom doesn’t want him too.”_

_“I doubt she would. He doesn’t sit still and it drives her nuts. Don’t worry about it, she does love him.”_

_Asahi smiled. “She better.”_

_They sat there in silence till the song ended and Asahi had lifted his hands away from the keys. Asahi looked over to his father with expectation, wanting to hear praise and love from him. He was not disappointed as his father stroked his hair gently and whispered ‘well done’._

_“I promise you,” Asahi leaned forward, “I will make you proud when you listen to this from the crowd. I will make sure the audience loves your song.”_

_Hitoshi shook his head and smiled, he looked at him with bleary eyes. “I’m always proud, even if you messed up all the notes I would be proud. There is something amazing and courageous about going up onto a stage and pouring out your heart. That’s what a musician does darling, they play yes, but they bare their hearts out for the audience to see. Don’t ever forget the passion that is needed to play.”_

_The last part of the sentence sounded strained and Asahi watched as his father’s face went paler. Hitoshi leaped up from the bench and Asahi could hear his dull footsteps as his father ran down the hall. Asahi squeezed his eyes shut as he listen to his father retch. That moment of normalcy was gone._

\---

Asahi woke up slowly, his dream lingering away in his mind. It wasn’t a dream rather a memory and he found himself wiping away tears with the palm of his hand. He found himself thinking more and more about his father than usual ever since he had taken the offer to play at the spring concert with Suga. It wasn’t that odd thinking back on it since Asahi had always associated concerts and competitions with his father, but he had always tried to avoid the thought of Hitoshi since his death. If people could cry over love ones who had been dead for years, the pain of losing someone not so long ago would be unbearable or at least it seemed to Asahi.

He rolled over in the bed to face the wall trying and failing to keep his mind blank. Instead he thought about how his father had come back from the bathroom with very little colour in his face asking Asahi with a shaking voice to call his mother. He could still remember the shock that had gone through him when he noticed the traces of blood around his mouth. At the hospital they had learned it was just stomach ulcers from what they guessed to be stress and poor diet. Masako, his mother had practically cried with relief, but that didn’t last long. Hitoshi had asked if they could also get a look at his head and the doctor had agreed to bring in a neurologist after hearing what his father had been suffering from.

It was honestly a good hour of their lives, feeling as if everything was going to be better. Worse case scenario in Asahi’s mind then had been chronic migraines or something similar. Instead at the end of the day they had gotten the news of a tumour forming in a spot they couldn't operate. The beginning of the end really. 

For 2 years, Asahi watched as his father slowly faded away as he living longer than the one year he had been given by some sort of miracle. At least that's what people had said at his funeral. What sort of miracle would let someone suffer as much as his father had? The effects of the news didn’t take long to show. Hitoshi had always been so gentle and full of life and Asahi watched how quickly the idea of dying hurt him. The stomach ulcers were gone after a month on medication, but the tumour just got bigger and bigger and his father became sadder and sadder. It was hard to watch his father sink into depression knowing there was nothing he could do. When he finally died and Asahi watched at the funeral as people cried did he realize he had never seen his father do that. He had never actually broken down in front of him.

Like father like son, Asahi didn’t cry once at the funeral. His mother on the other hand had weeped. After the service was done and people stood around and talked about his father, Masako had sat down with him in one of the viewing rooms alone.

“Despite everything,” she had said, her eyes red rimmed and her makeup smudging. “Your father did everything he could to make sure you were well. He loved you very much and was so proud. I want you to remember that.”

She had stroked his face softly, his long fingernails scraping gently against his cheek. His mother smiled and pressed her lips were her hand had been; he could still remember how her hand shook on the back of his head as she pulled him forward.

When she pulled away, Masako had looked him over and spoke once more. “Your hair has gotten long.”

He had practically lost it then, wanting to cry into his shoulder and to be comforted. Instead he had looked away feeling more empty than ever.

He felt empty then as he thought back on everything, curling himself tightly in the duvet, wishing he could call his father up and talk to him again. That emptiness hit him like freight train and it was excruciating. Only took him half a year to actually feel the pain. He shook as he tried to rein in his tears. It ultimately failed and he let out a choked sob before grabbing on of his pillows, pressing it to his face and just letting go. He had no idea how long he had been laying there when the tears finally stop. All he knew was that his face felt so swollen and that the light from his window hurt his eyes.

That Saturday was spent in a daze. He would try to work on the composition and would find himself just lying down on the couch instead staring off and thinking. He didn’t really feel anything. Instead it was just mindlessly going through a routine. Eating and drinking when he needed to and staring longingly at his piano. He couldn’t bring himself to play it no matter how much he wanted a distraction. His mind was too full with memories of his father, playing would only make them painful again. It wasn’t until near 7 o’clock that he was somewhat snapped out of this mood with a knock at the door. Suga had been at the other end, smiling and looking so alive with his face ruddy from the weather outside. That smile had dropped slightly after a few seconds.

“Are you alright?” He had asked, his gloved hand brushing against Asahi’s wrist. He had shrugged mumbling about having a off day.

“I’m sorry for bothering you then.”

“It’s no problem,” Asahi’s voice felt thick from lack of use and the crying he had done most of the day. “You can bother me anytime.”

Suga shook his head. “I was going to ask if you wanted to come out to dinner with me, but I think that can wait. I want to make sure you’re alright.”

For the first time all day, there was a flash of something in that emptiness. Going out to dinner?

“Like a date?” Asahi didn’t realize he said it till Suga’s face went redder.

“It could be a date if you wanted. I don't know I just wanted to go out with you.”

Suga looked off sheepishly and Asahi found himself smiling slightly. Again, Suga had come off as so endearing.

“How about tomorrow? I don't feel like going out today.”

Suga looked back at him at bit more concerned than before, it showed clearly on his face.

“Are you alright?”

Again he shrugged. “I don’t know. I'm just moping about and stuff.”

“Well Asahi I’m all ears if you want to talk.”

Asahi snorts and looked down to where Suga was touching his wrist. “Do you want to hear me bitch about my dad being dead and how damn sad it all is?”

“You’re allowed to be sad!”

“I’m being ridiculous.”

“When did he die?”

“What?” Asahi looked up at Suga, confused at the question. Suga’s face betrayed nothing when he asked again.

“When did your father die?”

“Back in August. August 13th.”

It wasn’t hard to miss the way Suga’s expression and shoulders dropped. “Jesus Asahi that’s only what, maybe seven months ago? You need to grieve properly!”

Asahi found himself pouting and feeling more and more on edge. “Who says I haven’t been grieving.”

“Not to be rude, but bullshit on that.” Suga took his hand away and placed them on his hips. He oddly reminded Asahi of his mother once more. “I’ve known you long enough now to get a sense of your personality and let me tell you that you are the worst with confrontations. If you can’t handle social interactions I seriously doubt you can handle the complex emotions that come along with grief.”

Asahi felt something come loose again within him, threatening to spill over and hurt him. He bite down on his lip, trying not to cry. Suga still had more to say.

“You are obviously hurt by all this and I think you don’t know how to handle it. Nothing in life can prepare you for death. If you can’t handle it by yourself at least let me help a little. I honestly care for you.”

That was it. He had already been teetering on the edge of it, but Suga’s kindness was a little too much for him to handle. He let out a sob. He hugged his sides, gripping hard into the flesh without realizing it. Asahi couldn’t stop shaking and he didn’t stop even when he felt Suga wrap his arms around his neck and pull him in for a hug. He let go of himself and hugged Suga back, sobbing into his shoulder and mumbling sorry over and over again.

“It’s alright,” Suga had eventually whispered as he pet Asahi’s hair. “It’s fine.”

“I’m being dumb and stupid and you barely know me and I barely know you,” he mumbled into his shoulder and Suga gave a small laugh.

“Well then we can change that tomorrow okay?”

“We could change that a bit tonight.”

Again, Suga laughed. “I think maybe we should just focus on making you feel better.”

Asahi cringed hard and pulled away from Suga. He was prepared to say it wasn’t Suga’s duty to make him feel better, but he was interrupted when a warm grabbed him by the shoulder.

“I’m not doing this because I feel I have to.” Asahi found himself unable to look away from Suga’s eyes as he talked. They were so close that he could once again make out brown flecks in his honey eyes. “I’m doing this because I genuinely want to. Will you let me stay?”

Asahi nodded and he found himself that evening talking to Suga again about his father. Unlike before, it wasn’t about the events that had lead up to his demise, but rather what he had finally started feeling.

“Before,” Asahi brought his head back to rest on the couch cushion. “I had sort of ignored the emptiness and sadness, but I don’t know why, but it hit me so hard today.”

Suga said nothing, but rather watched him carefully as if he was to break at any moment.

“I guess,” Asahi could feel the words get stuck in his throat, but not from unwillingness to speak rather the fact he felt as if he was going to cry again. He cleared his throat and began again. “I guess it’s because of the concert?”

He let out a sigh. “I’ve always associated performing with my dad. Before I was born he was apart of some big concerts and you could actually pay to see him play solo in music halls and such. That how him and my mom met. That lasted till I was maybe 3, mom got a teaching position and dad wanted to be at home to raise me. People use to make comments about it, but I think dad enjoyed being a stay at home instead. He was always so calm and patient.”

“He sounds like a good man,” Suga said. Asahi turned his head over to him and watched as he smiled. “Then you learned how to play from him right?”

“Yeah. He taught me the basics when I was old enough to be interested in it and after I started to show talent, mom and dad agreed that i should get an actual teacher. After that I played to seek their approval and I know that sounds bad, but they were always proud of me. Looking back at it, I’m the one who first put expectations on myself.”

Asahi sighed again and sat straight again. “In the end though, all that mattered to me was that dad was proud and happy. He attended every single performance and we would go out for ice cream afterwards when I was younger. I idolize him and I love him.” 

On a whim, he moved himself closer to Suga letting their shoulders touch. “I watched him die, slowly. He just faded away and I pitied him. I ended up pitying myself. I’ve always had anxiety issues and him dying just made everything seem more muddled and worse than usual. I broke up with my boyfriend cause I couldn’t handle anything mentally let alone a relationship. I ended up imploding emotionally and I did my best to hide it from my parents. I mean how horrible would it be if I drew the attention away from my dad?”

“Asahi,” Suga placed his hand gently onto his knee. “I’m sure you’re parents would have understood. It’s hard to see and experience that.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Your father seemed to care for you. I'm sure he wouldn't have liked to known that you were suffering by yourself. A parent will put their child first.”

Asahi sighed and dropped his head. He could deny that Suga had a point, but still.

“I feel guilty for being so helpless.”

“Have you told your mother how you felt?”

He snorted and scoffed the idea. “As if. I haven't really seen my mom since school started up. I talk to her over Skype and she is the sort of person to send letters, but other then that no. I couldn’t do that to her, not through letters or in person.”

He expected Suga to tell him he was wrong and to give him advice or try to be nice again. Instead Suga placed his head onto Asahi’s shoulder and said only 5 words. “Tell her when you’re ready.”

Asahi nodded and let his head fall to the side, pressing his cheek against his hair.

“I’m sorry by the way,” Suga mumbled. “If performing is too painful let’s not do this thing. I don't want you worrying about my wants.”

“What about mine?”

Asahi could only imagine the way Suga’s face scrunched up when he made a confused noise. Asahi laughed before continuing.

“I didn't feel as if I wanted to perform before because of my fears, but I want to now. Anxiety can kiss my ass, I’m doing this.”

Suga laughed. “Good.”

They sat like that for a moment in silence. Asahi closed his eyes and enjoyed the rhythmic feeling of Suga’s breathing against his body. He moved his hand slowly and took the hand on his knee; entwining their fingers. Suga sighed contently.

“I kind of want this moment to last,” Asahi whispered. Suga hummed in agreement. He pressed his face more into Suga’s head, enjoying the pressure.

“If you want, I could stay with you?” Suga sounded slightly worried as he said those words, almost as if he was scared for rejection. Asahi smiled.

“First you ask me out on a date now you’re asking to stay the night? Romance really is dead- ah.”

Asahi’s eyes went wide and he let out a hiss when Suga elbowed him in the side. “Asahi I’m trying to be nice and I said it could be a date. I didn’t ask you on a date.”

“I was joking.”

Suga stayed silent before groaning. “Obviously! I’m sorry it’s just I’m very tired and an idiot please don’t mind me.”

“I have a bed perfect for tired idiots.”

Suga pulled himself away Asahi and looked up at him with a warm smile. It was infectious; Asahi found himself smiling back.

“Sounds like the perfect bed for me.”

Asahi found himself not regretting letting Suga over when he had to look away when Suga stripped down and covered himself up with one of Asahi’s sweaters. There was no regret when Suga slid in next to him on the mattress, their bodies so close. There was sort of a longing in Suga’s eyes as he looked to Asahi. He had just smiled, opening his arm up to let Suga cuddle into him.

“Thank you,” he whispered into ash hair. “Thank you so much.”

Suga hummed softly and Asahi stayed awake long enough to hear his gentle snores. On a whim he pressed his lips down onto his head, keeping them there for several long seconds.

“I think I kind of love you,” he whispered so softly it barely made a sound. He got no response, just steady, little snores.

Asahi was content as he fell asleep with the body pressed up against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are getting gay
> 
> gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

**Author's Note:**

> http://cicadaemon.tumblr.com/


End file.
